Evidence: Practical techniques from the authors' parenting workshops. Evidence level: expert opinion, not a research study.
School age, 6–12 years
School-age children's attention and language grow a lot, friends start to matter more, and learning to cope with failure becomes important.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
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What your child is developing
Thinking and learning
- A 6-year-old can usually focus on a task for at least 15 minutes; by 9, for about an hour.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
- Around third grade, reading shifts from recognising words to understanding content.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
Language
- Sentences grow more complex; a 6-year-old can follow 3 instructions in a row, a 10-year-old about 5.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
Social and emotional
- Being accepted by friends becomes more important, and children may join in behaviours to be part of the group.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
- Children may "try on" lying or cheating as they learn how rules work; deal with it privately and calmly.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
Feelings
- Learning to handle failure and frustration without losing self-esteem is a key task.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
Body
- There are big differences in height, build and the age puberty starts.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
When to talk to a doctor: If you suspect a learning difficulty, bullying, anxiety or low mood, talk with your child's teacher or doctor.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
The research behind it
What each study found comes first, then the kind of study and where it was published. We prefer systematic reviews and meta-analyses, and check for new research every month.Meta-analyses of 75 studies found spanking was linked to a range of poor outcomes for children and was not linked to better behaviour.
Across hundreds of studies, a growth mindset was only weakly linked to school results, and mindset programmes had small average effects. Students from low-income families or who were struggling at school may benefit more.
Randomised trials in Indian government schools found that teaching children at their actual learning level, rather than strictly by the grade syllabus, raised learning when it was implemented well.
Using data on more than 350,000 adolescents, the study found that digital technology use explained at most 0.4% of the variation in well-being - a negative but very small association on average.
A meta-analysis of 42 studies. More screen use was linked to weaker language skills, while co-viewing with an adult and better-quality programmes were linked to stronger skills.
Idea roots
Educators whose ideas connect to this stage. Open one to see what modern research supports and what it does not. Confucius 551–479 BCE (traditional dates) Children in one class can be at very different levels; teaching to each child's level, as Confucius did, is backed by trials today. John Dewey 1859–1952 Dewey's "learning by doing" fits this age, as long as adults guide it. Tao Xingzhi 1891–1946 Tao Xingzhi saw everyday life as education - chores and errands teach too. Jean Piaget 1896–1980 Piaget described this as the age of more logical, concrete thinking.
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What you can do together
- Play card and board games that need memory and strategy - from matching games for younger children to chess or Go for older ones.Harvard Center on the Developing Child · Activities for 7–12 years ↗
- As children learn a game, step back and let them remember and enforce the rules themselves.Harvard Center on the Developing Child · Activities for 5–7 years ↗
- Talk about what their friends are doing, so they can fit in without crossing your family's limits.MedlinePlus (US National Library of Medicine) · School-age children development ↗
- Aim for at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous activity a day, together where you can.World Health Organization, 2020
Free tools for this age
How we choose tools Khan Academy Kids ↗ Reading, maths and social-emotional activities. The app says it is free, with no ads and no subscriptions. Ages 2–8 · Khan Academy (non-profit) Khan Academy ↗ Courses and practice in maths, science, coding and more, organised by grade. Ages 6–18 · Khan Academy (non-profit) StoryWeaver ↗ Thousands of free picture books, many in several languages. Ages 2–12 · Pratham Books (non-profit) ScratchJr ↗ A tablet coding app for young children; no reading needed. Ages 5–7 · MIT, Tufts University Scratch ↗ Make animations, games and stories with code blocks and share them. Ages 8–16 · MIT Media Lab CodeAI (formerly Code.org) ↗ Free courses from block coding to text coding, including the Hour of Code. Ages 4–18 · CodeAI PhET Interactive Simulations ↗ Interactive physics, chemistry and maths simulations that run in the browser. Ages 8–18 · University of Colorado Boulder
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Health and safety essentials
Sleep in 24 hours9–12 hoursAASM 2016
Physical activity60 min a day, moderate to vigorousWHO 2020
- WHO guidelines on physical activity and sedentary behaviour · World Health Organization
- Family Media Plan · American Academy of Pediatrics
- Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children (AAP clinical report) · American Academy of Pediatrics; Sege & Siegel
- Physical Development in Girls: What to Expect During Puberty · American Academy of Pediatrics
- Physical Development in Boys: What to Expect · American Academy of Pediatrics
- Vaccines and immunization ↗ · World Health Organization
- Safety and prevention ↗ · American Academy of Pediatrics
Further reading
Classic parenting books with a note on the evidence. Links go to publisher details and library holdings (WorldCat). No affiliate links.Evidence: Later meta-analyses found growth-mindset effects on school results are smaller than the book suggests (see the research below).