Evidence: Practical techniques from the authors' parenting workshops. Evidence level: expert opinion, not a research study.
Preschoolers, 3–6 years
Preschoolers start following rules in games with other children, tell stories, and begin to count and recognise letters.CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
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What your child is developing
These are things most children can do by this age. They are for understanding your child, not a scorecard; every child develops at their own pace.CDC · Positive parenting tips: infants (0–1) ↗
Social and emotional
- By 5, follows rules or takes turns when playing games with other children, and does simple chores like clearing the table.CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
Language
- By 5, tells a story with at least two events and keeps a conversation going for more than three exchanges.CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
- By 5, uses or recognises simple rhymes.CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
Thinking and learning
- By 5, counts to 10 and uses words about time, like "yesterday" and "tomorrow".CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
- By 5, pays attention for 5 to 10 minutes during activities like story time (screen time doesn't count).CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
Movement
- By 5, hops on one foot and buttons some buttons.CDC · Milestones by 5 years ↗
When to talk to a doctor: If your child is not meeting the milestones for their age, has lost skills they once had, or you are worried about how they play, learn, speak, act or move, talk with your child's doctor. Don't wait: acting early can make a real difference.CDC · Concerned about your child's development? ↗
The research behind it
What each study found comes first, then the kind of study and where it was published. We prefer systematic reviews and meta-analyses, and check for new research every month.In a study of 4- to 6-year-olds, the number of back-and-forth conversational turns with adults predicted activity in language areas of the brain better than the number of words children heard.
For children aged 1 to 8, play with gentle adult guidance did better than direct teaching on early maths, shapes and switching between tasks, and better than free play on spatial words. Other outcomes showed no difference.
A meta-analysis of 42 studies. More screen use was linked to weaker language skills, while co-viewing with an adult and better-quality programmes were linked to stronger skills.
Following about 2,400 children, more screen time at 2 and 3 years was linked to poorer developmental screening results a year or more later.
9-month-old infants learned Mandarin speech sounds from live sessions with a person, but not from the same material shown on video or audio.
Meta-analyses of 75 studies found spanking was linked to a range of poor outcomes for children and was not linked to better behaviour.
Idea roots
Educators whose ideas connect to this stage. Open one to see what modern research supports and what it does not. Friedrich Froebel 1782–1852 Froebel founded the kindergarten around play for exactly this age. Lev Vygotsky 1896–1934 Helping with just the hard part and then stepping back - "scaffolding" - builds on Vygotsky's ideas. Maria Montessori 1870–1952 Montessori preschools are among the best-studied ways of learning through self-chosen activity.
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What you can do together
- Keep reading together, and visit the library.CDC · Positive parenting tips: preschoolers (3–5) ↗
- Let your child help with simple chores, and offer a few simple choices.CDC · Positive parenting tips: preschoolers (3–5) ↗
- When they are upset, walk through the steps to solve the problem together.CDC · Positive parenting tips: preschoolers (3–5) ↗
- Support imaginary play with props and stories, such as playing doctor.Harvard Center on the Developing Child · Activities for 3–5 years ↗
- Encourage play with other children to learn sharing and friendship.CDC · Positive parenting tips: preschoolers (3–5) ↗
Free tools for this age
How we choose tools Khan Academy Kids ↗ Reading, maths and social-emotional activities. The app says it is free, with no ads and no subscriptions. Ages 2–8 · Khan Academy (non-profit) StoryWeaver ↗ Thousands of free picture books, many in several languages. Ages 2–12 · Pratham Books (non-profit) ScratchJr ↗ A tablet coding app for young children; no reading needed. Ages 5–7 · MIT, Tufts University CodeAI (formerly Code.org) ↗ Free courses from block coding to text coding, including the Hour of Code. Ages 4–18 · CodeAI
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Health and safety essentials
Sleep in 24 hours10–13 hoursWHO 2019; AASM 2016
Physical activity180+ min, 60 of them vigorousWHO 2019
Sedentary screen time1 hour or lessWHO 2019
- Guidelines on physical activity, sedentary behaviour and sleep for children under 5 years of age · World Health Organization
- Media and Young Minds (AAP policy statement) · AAP Council on Communications and Media
- Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children (AAP clinical report) · American Academy of Pediatrics; Sege & Siegel
- Vaccines and immunization ↗ · World Health Organization
- Safety and prevention ↗ · American Academy of Pediatrics
Further reading
Classic parenting books with a note on the evidence. Links go to publisher details and library holdings (WorldCat). No affiliate links.Evidence: Uses brain science to explain children's behaviour; the 12 strategies come from the authors' clinical experience rather than trials. Evidence level: expert opinion.